Rabbi David E. Ostrich
Clergy Column for The Centre Daily Times
To be published Sunday September 7th
In a recent weekly portion (Ki Tetze), the Torah approaches two difficult and tragic situations in life with a resigned acceptance. In passages dealing with War (Deuteronomy 21.10) and with Divorce (Deuteronomy 24.1), the Torah strives to find righteous possibilities in far-from-ideal circumstances. No one looks forward to either, but when such difficulties are thrust upon us, can we nonetheless behave with holiness?
Our Prophets look forward to peace: “Nation shall not lift up sword against nation; neither shall they learn war anymore” (Isaiah 2.4 and Micah 4.3), but such sentiments are prayers—idyllic dreams and poignant hopes that are, unfortunately, more Messianic than practical. Why? Because there are bad guys out there who are trying to hurt/conquer/kill us, and sometimes the only way to stop them is battle. War is not a good thing. It is not one of those blessings in life to which we look forward. But survival is better than death, and freedom is better than enslavement, and sometimes our love of peace cannot find fulfillment. Thus does the Torah approach this terrible eventuality: “When you take the field against your enemies…” Are there guidelines for righteousness in even desperate and life-or-death situations? Can we decrease the violence and misery that mortal conflict brings?
A similar tack comes in regard to divorce: “When a man takes a wife and possesses her,” and the marriage does not work, “and he writes her a bill of divorcement…” The ideal is a happy and fulfilling marriage, but when this blessing does not come, what are the parties to do? Jewish Law has over the ages sought to make the dissolution of a marriage as fair and life-affirming as possible. God’s wish is that the two parties heal and then build better lives.
It is interesting to note the differences which Judaism and traditional Christianity bring to Divorce. Judaism sees marriage as a relationship between and managed by humans, and the concern is that they act righteously in both happiness and sadness. Christianity, however, has traditionally seen Divorce as a kind of rebellion against God. Based on a verse included in both Mark (10.9) and Matthew (19.6), “What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder,” the thought is that God “makes” the marriage (through the wedding ritual) and then “owns” it. This means that humans have no business dissolving something that is God’s. Not all Christians see it this way, and history is full of the chaffing that such an attitude has caused—as well as the machinations of people who have tried to finesse the system. There are also the changes that some modern Christian denominations have made. Religion is a process in which piety and human experience work together, and much holy thinking has gone into this struggle. How do people of faith approach the divides that sometimes open up between our ideals and our realities?
Sometimes we are forced to deal with things we do not want—with things we would rather not have to do. Our dreams of both peace and a perfect marriage may be strong, but sometimes dreams evaporate. What do we do? Jewish Tradition hopes that we can deal with our problems righteously. When beset with the sad and tragic parts of life, we are urged to stand up and face the truth—and to figure out the most righteous and holy ways to navigate life’s problems.