May 8th: Emor
THIS WEEK IN THE TORAH
Rabbi David E. Ostrich
Lately, I feel like an antelope running in a herd, fleeing some lions. Our herd is being hunted, and the best thing I can do is keep running. I realize the limits of this analogy: We are not antelope; COVID-19 is not a lion; and we can do a lot more than simply run. On the other hand, my sense of empathy is being pulled by the sadness so many are experiencing, and I find myself thinking about that antelope whose herd members are being pulled down by predators. What do they think? How are they affected?
Our Tradition is emphatic about us caring for everyone. As the Rabbis teach us: “Why did the Holy One create all humanity with one person, Adam? To teach us that the life of one human being is worth the life of the entire world.” And yet, how can we feel sorry enough and bad enough about the suffering of so many?
Part of this problem may lie in the psychology of exposure. Many of us spend some time each day surveying the newspaper and listening to the news. The problem these days is that there is little going on in the world other than the COVID-19 situation, and the reporters—who are trying to earn a living—write about little else. Thus is our daily news exposure overloaded with the anxiety and tragedy of the pandemic. We read the many obituaries of people not only from our own communities, but from around the world. We read about the desperation of individuals, and we are invited into their disasters or impending disasters. Instead of the normal balance of news, we are being overdosed with bad and terrifying news, and there is little we can do for all the millions—except sit and worry and hopefully survive.
We are taught to care, and something in our sense of altruism and social responsibility stimulates our adrenal process and pushes us to do something. Our minds work overtime trying to understand and to formulate policies and to feel everyone’s pain. Some of us are incredibly busy, but many of us are in a waiting situation—waiting and worrying and tending to ourselves. Like the antelope who smell or see the lions, we are pumped full of energy; but we are not antelope, and there is no where to run, and the adrenal/anxiety overload is overwhelming—and painful.
What can we do? First, we can find ways to release this excess adrenaline, and exercise can really help. As I explain to Bar/Bat Mitzvah students shortly before the big day, our bodies are very similar to those of our cave-dwelling ancestors, with biochemical processes that can help us flee or fight when danger appears. Physiologically, our bodies do not know the difference between a saber-toothed tiger and a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. We just know that something BIG is coming. We are pumped full of adrenaline, and we need to get rid of it somehow. Running, calisthenics, isometric exercises, and even a very hot bath or shower can help us find release.
Second, we can address the stimuli of our anxiety, and I ask you to be very careful in understanding this next idea: We can learn to care less, to be moved less by the danger and sadness of others, and Jewish Tradition gives us some insights in this regard.
In this week’s Torah portion, we read: “The Lord said to Moses, speak to priests, the sons of Aaron, and say to them: None shall defile himself for any dead person among his kin except for relatives that are closest to him: his mother, his father, his son, his daughter, and his brother, and his unmarried sister.” (Leviticus 21.1-2) Since attending the dead renders priests temporarily unfit for the divine service, they are only allowed to attend the dead of their immediate families. This does not mean that they do not feel sad when someone outside of this small circle dies. This does not mean that they do not offer condolences to their relatives or friends when someone dies. However, this does establish a set of concentric circles of grief and responsibility—a principle continued in the traditional Jewish rules about mourning. Only the immediate family follows the most intense mourning rituals. Others are sad, but they are not obligated or even allowed such things as saying Kaddish; their lives do not stop. There are some for whom we mourn intensely. There are others for whom we feel sad. There are others whose passing we note with sympathy but without real sadness. This is not a failing. It is, rather, our Tradition’s awareness of the emotional limitations of human beings.
Our inspirational literature urges us to be compassionate and to care for others. Our social justice texts urge us to be helpful to those in need. However, compassion and care need to be balanced with an awareness of what is humanly possible and healthy.
God may care for everyone, but God is God, and we should feel thankful that the Eternal One is able to pay attention to everyone and everything—including us—and feel the pain and joy of every bit of creation. But, as Rabbi Lawrence Kushner writes about our tendencies to over-function, we should imagine God saying, “I’m God, and you’re not.”
We can also be taught by a Midrash about four ancient rabbis. As great as Rabbi Akiva was, he knew his limits, and part of his greatness lay in respecting his limitations. The story is told that Akiva and three colleagues mystically ascended to Heaven and beheld the Divine Presence. “Ben Azzai gazed directly and died. Ben Zoma gazed directly and lost his mind. Acher (Elisha ben Abuyah) gazed directly and lost his faith. Akiva entered in peace and departed in peace.” For Ben Azzai, Ben Zoma, and Elisha ben Abuyah, the intensity was too much, and each one broke. Akiva, on the other hand, was able to dose himself, entering and leaving, and thus both surviving the experience and gaining incredible wisdom.
In other words, as we approach and behold the anxiety and sadness of the world, we are allowed to dose ourselves, caring for others but not caring or knowing beyond our abilities. It is okay to limit our awareness and limit our empathy. It is okay to enjoy the blessings we have. It is even a commandment. As Rebbe Nachman of Breslov used to say, “Mitzvah g’dolah lihiyot b’simcha tamid. It is a great mitzvah to be joyful all the time.” Even in times of difficulty and sadness, we are instructed to sense our blessings and to find joy.
